It’s Mother’s Day, and I find myself reflecting (as most mothers do on a day like today). I’ve asked myself a lot of questions today. What kind of mother am I? What kind of mother do I aspire to be? Which habits/traits have I inherited from my own mother? What kind of things would I like to change about my parenting style? And the list just kind of trails on.
These questions have taken me on a roller coaster of emotions. Thinking about how some days raising two children under the age of five makes me want to pull my hair out. Like the days we’re down to one pull-up and the moment after (and I do mean right after) I change my son into that last pull-up is the moment he decides to potty- in that last pull-up. I thought about the day that I gave birth to my firstborn, and how I cried the first day that I had to go back to work. I thought about the birth of my second son, and how that most of the crying I did was because I couldn’t wait to go back to work. The mistakes along the way, the happiness, the sadness, the fatigue…
I was sitting on my bed, listening to Pandora, folding a massive amount of laundry, and as I was rolling down that emotional coaster at what seemed like lightening-speed, something happened. My two year-old walks in my room and says, “Mommy, will you dance with me?” I picked him up into my arms, and time stopped. As I swayed to the music with him in my arms, cheek to cheek, I held one of his hands and he held my ear. Neither one of us spoke a word; we just danced…and held each other…and danced. Nothing else mattered, and yet, everything mattered.
Those moments of complete and total love and fulfillment cancel out the cheerios in the couch, the crayon marks on the wall and the fresh fingerprints on the television that you so diligently cleaned five minutes earlier.
So I make a conscious choice to celebrate myself today, flaws and all. And until that moment comes again when time stops, I’ll continue to do what I know to do, the best way I know to do it. Yes, being a mom is a relentless job, but it’s the best job that I’ll ever have.